MEANT TO BE TOGETHER

Unlike many mothers, my pregnancy didn’t happen in my womb, but in my heart. This is the story of how I was blessed with my son, Hamza.

I have always loved children. I am deeply fond of them and consider them as a precious blessing. I used to value them dearly even before I knew that I was going to have pregnancy issues after marriage. Despite having had two in-vitro operations, I did not want to give up. I never knew there was something called child fostering or sponsoring or anything of the sort and I will always be grateful to my dear friend Nisma for telling me about it.

Many people who are unable to understand my situation tried to discourage me by telling me that giving birth is an irreplaceable experience, but their words did not deter me at all. Even my husband rejected the idea, at first, but when I told him the stories of many adopting families and the children they foster, he was convinced. He said to me, “We want a baby boy or a baby girl who will be our own child and to whom we can be parents.” I asked him, “Would it make a difference if he or she grew inside my belly or was already among us and in our heart?” He told me that it didn’t matter at all to him.

When I started the procedure and paperwork, I told myself that I would love the child no matter what. I became eager to see the child and find out who he or she is, what they look like, how they laugh, what color their eyes are and what kind of hair they have.

I started visiting the children’s homes and asked if there was a baby girl I could foster, but they told me that girls were always selected quickly. So, they showed me babies that still needed love. It was the first one I carried in my arms that stilled my heart. Hamza was a little over two months old and he immediately gave me a hearty laugh and then looked at me with expressive eyes. It was as if he was saying, “Mom!” He almost seemed as surprised as me, like we could both not believe that we finally found each other. I hugged him tightly, with tears of joy in my eyes and held him close to my heart. When it was time to go, I went to gently put him down and realized that he had fallen asleep. It touched my heart that he felt comfortable and safe with me.

From that moment on, I went to see him every day. His love keeps growing in my heart in a way that I did not expect. No matter how much I tell you about how I feel towards Hamza, it will never be enough. Honestly, I don't even know how but I know I loved him even before I saw him.

THE START OF A BEAUTIFUL STORY

As an adoptive mom, the first thing I get asked is how did I get such an idea in my head. I have to say, like many adoptive moms, the idea was always floating around in my mind since I was a teenager. It just made sense. Why bring another child into this world, when there are so many already on this Earth, with no one to care for them. I told myself that when I reached a point in life where I was ready to be a mother- mentally, emotionally, and financially, that I would adopt a child. And so it happened.

We already had our biological son, Sulayman, and when he was about 3 years old, the nagging started that we should give him a brother or a sister. When he was about 4, my husband Yassine and I felt ready for another child. And this was my chance. I spoke to my husband and told him that I wanted to adopt a child. This wasn’t something he could agree to do only to make me happy, as he always does. This had to be his decision as well. He paused for a minute and said, “Are you sure?” And I said, “Yes, 100%. But I need you to be.” He replied, “Okay, lets do it.”

At the very first orphanage we visited Sayf was the first child we saw. It was Yassine who said in a matter of seconds “This is it, this is my son.” I felt the same way a mere 5 minutes after my husband had fawned all over our boy. And the rest was history.

DESTINED TO BE A MOTHER

Ever since I was a little child, I used to dream of having lots of children. I especially wanted to have a daughter and, over the years, always bought clothes for a baby girl I knew I would have.

I got married quite early, in my twenties, and my husband and I moved to San Francisco. Then I found out that I had endometriosis, which is a chronic disease in which the uterine tissue grows outside the uterus. Because of this, my chances of getting pregnant were very slim. I tried not to lose hope and for the next 11 years, I was lost in a whirlpool of IVF procedures, with no luck. This period in my life exhausted me, both financially and emotionally, and I ended up getting a divorce in 2004.

I went back to Egypt, wanting to distance myself from children, but I guess destiny had other plans. In 2012, I met and married my now husband. Although he already had two daughters, he knew about my dream to become a mother myself and introduced me to Kafala (adoption). His active support meant the world to me. It took a full year to complete all the paperwork and procedures before we were finally permitted to adopt a child.

Fear and anxiety took hold of me, and I kept asking myself, ‘Am I up to this? Will I be able to raise a child and play with it, being 45 years old? Should I just remain on my own or pursue my dream of being a mother?’ In the end, my husband’s encouragement and my intense desire to be a mother won out.

So, I began to search for my daughter and hoped for a dark-featured beauty who would look like me and my husband. During my visits to the FACE orphanage in Maadi, I would only go to the floor with baby girls. But as lovely and adorable as every girl was, my heart just didn’t skip a beat. Thinking that perhaps only biological mothers felt such a connection, I selected a lovely baby girl that looked like us, even though my heart was silent, and began the paperwork.

One day, I heard about two newborns being brought in, a girl and a boy. I went to see the girl, to try one last time to see if my heart would make a connection. She was a lovely baby but looked nothing like us as she was blonde and blue-eyed. My heart fell as I lost hope of feeling that magical maternal bond. I turned my head absentmindedly and my gaze fell to the other newborn, a boy. To my utter surprise, his eyes were wide open, and he was gazing at me intently. My heart jumped in my chest as an unfamiliar emotion rose in my throat. I knew it instantly…this was my son. I didn’t leave his side, carrying him, feeding him, changing him. I was afraid that someone else would take him. I persisted with the orphanage until they changed our paperwork to have his name instead.

I never imagined that my dream of having children would ever happen, let alone happen in the way that it did. Today, I have two girls from my husband and a son I never knew would be mine. Kafala is not an easy undertaking, but it is so worth it. Every night, I tell my son his real story, so that he always knows who he is and how much he is loved. And I can only wish that all children find a home and a family they can call their own.

BRINGING MY DAUGHTER HOME

My story started about 25 years ago when I was in high school. Our teacher took us to visit an orphanage and I was shocked when I saw so many babies that had no family nor home. I knew even at 15 years old that, one day, I would help at least one of these babies.

I dreamt of adopting after getting married and having my first child so that I could breastfeed them both together. I guess that dream was never meant to be. At 40 I was still single, but I was strong, proud, happy, and refused to give up.

I waited for the day I would finally be allowed to adopt a child and give her a chance at having a normal life. The normal life she was denied the moment she took her first breath and was abandoned and condemned to be brought up by foster “mothers” who are employed to care for her. “Mothers” who take scheduled monthly leaves regardless of her emotions, health, and educational or other needs that kids usually have. “Mothers” who eventually leave to get married and are replaced by others. What kind of a childhood is that? What kind of a person would that result in? EVERY CHILD DESERVES A LOVING HOME AND FAMILY. ❤

It was March 2020 when I found out about the change in rules and regulations. And in June 2020, I found an online link for Ministry Of Social Solidarity adoption requests. I APPLIED. I submitted all the required documents and lab tests, and my file was created. A social worker was called to follow up with me, do the social visit and examination. I urged her to hurry with my report because the final committee was going to convene soon. I was anxious beyond measure.

But what I feared most, happened. It was my own father that straight up said, “NO.” He was not convinced with my decision. He was concerned about the responsibilities my decision came with, how it would affect my health, and that I would be sacrificing my lifestyle. He couldn’t understand why I would choose to become a single mother. But I was relentless. After much persistence, his ‘NO’ turned into a ‘LET’S SEE.’

In the following weeks, I saw more than seven babies, aged 2.5 to 14 months. I saw both girls and boys, but I just knew my baby wasn’t there. Little did I know that she wasn’t even in Cairo!

Then one day, I was shown a picture of the most beautiful baby girl, exactly 27 days old, with big innocent eyes that felt like they were looking straight into my soul. My heart skipped a beat!

I hurried to Suez where I finally met my daughter. Welcome home, my baby Ghalia.

Being a mother is learning about the strengths you didn’t know you had

At many points in my motherhood journey, I had to find reservoirs of strength, the strength to keep going, the strength to keep believing, the strength to hope.

I went through countless failed IVF cycles with nothing more to show that painful bruises and a broken heart. That’s when I saw a sliver of hope – a Facebook post about adoption. I contacted the mother who happily shared her adoption story and put me in touch with the right people. I found strength and a new path to motherhood through adoption.

From there my husband Dany and I began our 2 year journey to adoption. Changing adoption laws, reams of paperwork, home visits, lost papers, security checks and approvals, giving up, and then digging deep to find new strength, until finally we got an approval. From this point onwards we began our search to match with a child who would make me a mother. During this time, I lost my mother to cancer and a few months later my husband’s mother passed away too.

It was a really difficult time, that’s when I got the call.

A 2-month-old baby girl was up for adoption. We wanted to adopt a slightly older 6-month-old as we were nervous about taking care of a younger infant. But one look at her, and I knew I had the strength to be her mother. After even more months of back and forth, we finally became a family of 3 and we named our daughter Zein.

Today, I am a 46-year-old mother of a little baby girl. After 13 years of trying, I am finally holding my baby girl in my arms. A long journey with difficulties at every step. But my real motherhood journey has just begun, and I cannot wait to enjoy every experience it holds.

MOTHERHOOD WAS MY CHOICE

I am Dr. Aysha Albusmait, a writer and media expert from the UAE, and an adoptive mother of two wonderful princesses, thirteen and seven years old. This story is about my experience with adoption, and how it has become inspiring for many families.

Adoption is not new to our society. There are a lot of adoptive families, but talking about them remains new and remarkable. The decision to adopt a child requires courage and discernment. That’s why adopting is often held back due to fear of the reaction of society and lack of support from friends and family. However, that support comes later from the same people after completing the process, when they feel joy and happiness due to the positive change that adopting brings in our life.

Choosing the right child that you feel capable of raising and caring for with love and happiness is a very interesting journey. Life changes altogether after adopting, and the adopted child becomes the focus of the family and a source of love and care, filling life with happiness and blessings. My experience with adopting proved to me that it can change our lives. After adopting my eldest daughter at the age of three and my other daughter at the same age, I realized the importance of this beautiful experience for my family life. Today, everyone around us agrees that adopting brought happiness and tranquility to the family.

From the first moment I heard the voice of my first child, I felt as if it was a voice from heaven, a voice that went into my heart even before I saw her. And when she entered the room where I first met her and smiled, I was sure that she was the child I was looking for.

Some time after this first and wonderful journey, my daughter was urging me to adopt a sister for her. At first, I didn’t pay much attention to this, but she kept asking: "Where is my sister? Why is she late?" She felt that her desire to have a sister was urgent, and she was convinced that she would need a sister to grow up with her and share her joys and sorrows.

Then, my second journey began. We were not clear on the possibility of adopting another child, but I had a strong belief in the opportunity to repeat my first experience. I applied again, and went through the search, which is one of the most difficult stages for the adoptive family. After a long wait, I found her, and now she is seven years old, filling the house with smiles and laughter.

Being frank and honest with the adopted child is key to build a healthy and sustainable relationship. That’s why I got over my fears, explained the reality to my two daughters, and realized that this opened the door to love and happiness.

There is no doubt that my adopting journey was full of challenges, but I overcame them. And now there is nothing that pleases me more than when a family chooses to adopt a child, and the child lives in a happy house, full of joy and blessings.